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Musings of a 3rd world living citizen

i haven't written here for a long time... a lot of things happened, i got a new gf, broke up w/ her, got busy w/ working my ass off to pay bills and buy things that i want. Life's been a roller coaster ride. Prices of gas and basic commodities went up, and oh! i can change tires like a pro now. (wooopdeddoo) It is not easy when One's living in a third world country, at the nation's business capital.
These past few weeks, i have been watching a Senate and House proceeding re: Corruption in our Armed Forces. Hundreds of millions were pocketed by generals, on tv. I know corruption is freakin' everywhere, but it's disgusting how blatant and arrogant these corrupt people are. I usually avoid talking about politics, but right at this moment, i just can't remain silent anymore.
My bestfriend's a soldier, a low ranking one, he's assigned in Mindanao, where they are fighting Muslim rebels, Abbu sayyaf etc. He lost friends in battle due to guns that didn't fire, enemies' weapons are way better than theirs, lack of medicines for the wounded. His boots are worn, and needs changing.. they were told that there's no budget, and then this? THERE IS MONEY! well there was, but the top brass were the only ones who got 'em. Retiring Chiefs of Staff were given 50 to 100 million bux on the side as retirement money. WTF??! are u fuckin' kidding me??!

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ok it's been ages since i last posted anything.. a lotta things happened. I'm in college now Pre med. (what was I thinkin' when i signed up for this??!) New life, away from home, got new friends and havin' the time of my life! i still like girls tho loL! uhmm make that women :) I don't easily fall in love now.. more careful bout getting my heart broken. i date, but i just don't wan'na commit.. I've been tagged as a player but seriously tho, i don't think i am. i've always been honest bout my not bein' ready to commit and my aversion to exclusivity.. so i guess that's not playing. tee heee..

I'm loving Glee! I check LJ every day just for Britanna and Fabray fics.. am i addicted? uhmm kinda! lol! i mean cmon! they're just so good together! the way Dianna looks at Lea on their interviews??! that's how i look at someone i have the hots for! lol!

I've been thinkin' of writing a fic about them.. but alas! it's all there is to it.. thinkin'! lol! hmmm when i muster enough courage and creativity, maybe one of these days i'll be able to post something decent. anyway, hafta go now, i still have an oral exam later(i know that sounded too dirty but really! lol) will dissect frogs in Bio. My life is awesome! not!

the sound of a heart breaking

my girlfriend, broke up w/ me tonight... we've been together for a yr and 10mos. it hurts... but i guess it is for the best.. she said she can't take it anymore.. the pretending that we're not together, that we're just friends, whenever we're w/ her family, or mine. the fact that we can't really see each other that much, and a dozen of other reasons.

I tried my best to give her what she wanted... but i just can't come out of the closet yet! i mean cmon! i live in a country that's not even that tolerant to gays and lesbians.. My family is super conservative! i dunno what they'll do if ever they find out... i can't bear to see the disappointment in my mother's eyes, i love my mom..i love my family! i know if they really do love me, they'll accept me for what i am right? but it's not that easy! my folks are old fashioned roman catholics! I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt that somehow they'll find it in their haearts that my bein this way, doesn't make me a lesser person, but i don't wan'na risk it! I am not ready yet.

i haven't been a perfect girlfriend, i have my flaws, but i know i love her the best way i know how... the last time we saw each other, i came straight from a friend's house that i haven't seen for a long time, i didn't have that much sleep, but i still went to see my gf, well my ex now, we watched a movie, strolled.. then went home to her place.. by the time we got ther, i was just so tired and sleepy.. so i fell asleep right away.. she took that against me.. one of the many reasons why we're over...

I am a mess right now... i just realized why they call it heartbreak.. co'z it literally feels like my fuckin heart's breaking into jagged lil pieces.. my tears just keep on falling, it's even blurring my vision as i type... i just want this pain to go away...

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to die oh so young!!



i just got home when i found out that heath ledger was found dead in his apartment at manhattan.. my first reaction was, "but he's so young!" i mean at 28, he's so much more to give! I am not really a fan, but i saw some of his movies.. The Brother's Grimm, A Knight's Tale, ten things i hate about you, and of course the very brave and phenomenal Brokeback Mountain! i admired him for his courage in accepting Brokeback.. for me, that was fearless! the role broke(pun unintended) a lot of stereotypes.. well, a gay cowboy??! c'mon! cowboys are like synonymous to machismo! remember the marlboro commercials?! :)
He gave an outstanding performance.. i felt his love for his partner played by Jake Gyllenhall, his conflict of maintaining a "straight"facade, his pain when Jake Gyllenhall died! the scene where he smelled Jake's shirt at the end of the movie's just powerful! (well, maybe I'm just biased co'z I'm Bi) still, i think it's a ground breaking film!




i also found this vid on youtube by greenleaf9.. a tribute to heath.. I'm sharing it w/ you guys..




RIP HEATH

just as i thought...

ok.. this day definitely isn't one of my best ones.. aaaaaaarrrrgggh!! the weather's been a bitch! hot and humid.. had a flat tire!! and i freakin dunno how to change it!! (i know know, i should learn) and i swear after today, i'll start learning to the point of bein one bad ass car mechanic! :P i called my bro, asked a favor to come pick me up instead, he came, but rather really pissed and grumbled a lot about me bein such a girl! nevertheless, he changed the tire for me, and i was able to get home safe and sound..so i thought nothin can definitely go wrong after that right? WRONG!! I've heard bout Murphy's law, it's just that i never believed it'll happen to me! when one thing goes wrong, everythin else will follow!

i had a loong day at school, was tired, hungry, and dirty.. so i thouhgt my hunger can wait, need to take a shower and freshen up first.. so that's just what i did! I've never appreciated a shower that much in my entire life.. but then lo and behold! the shower stopped freakin working! i dunno what happened it just stopped! i still have soap all over me, including my face! i was like this headless chicken runnin bout, freakin out, co'z the soap started stinging my eye.. and i was scrambling for the faucet! good thing i live here in the Philippines, where it's not really an essential thing, but almost all the households, (well here in our tiny lil town at least) has a faucet and a pail in the bathroom! thank god for small blessings.. finished my bath the old fashioned way, (dunkin a tiny bucket in a pail of water) at last i was refreshed, albeit a lil ruffled by the shower incident.

i finally went down to have dinner, my family went ahead and ate w/o me... i was hungry right? so i went to the kitchen and checked what our maid cooked for dinner.. among all the things and the food that she could've probably prepared, she chose fried lumpia! (lumpia is a sort of a spring roll, w/ ground meat stuffing) I'm not really particular about food, but i just don't like spring rolls, or anything that's wrapped and fried! so i tried lookin for other edible thing to eat.. i found hotdogs, so that's what i ate.. hotdogs for dinner! well, here in our country, hotdogs, bacon, cold cuts and eggs are usually eaten for breakfast, and most Filipinos don't consider pizza as dinner.. we're the rice and viand type of people.. so anyway, i finished my dinner, drank some juice and rested a bit.. til twas time for me to do my homework.. so i went back to my room, got my bag and fished for my notes.. but my notes weren't there!! great!! just great!! i left them at school!! what a great day!! NOT!

i just hope tomorrow my day will be a lil better... co'z this sucked big time!

impatience, and gratitude

I am at my wits end waiting for the WGA strike to end... co'z hey! most of my fave shows are in hiatus.. and i really don't have that many.. as I've said before, I'm not from the states, so there are programs that we don't actually get here. like Gossip Girl, South of Nowhere, The L word to name a few.. We do have Grey's anatomy, Heroes, Desperate Housewives, and other shows that i really can't recall right now :) The problem w/ the shows that we get tho, is that the epoisodes are kinda late. So i just Download shows from the net instead.yey to technology!
which takes me back to my 1st sentence... there are no more episodes to download!!!! *sad* it's a good thing that we have brilliant femslash authors(not that i only read fics coz the shows are in hiatus) co'z hey! hiatus or no hiatus femslash fics will always be there! and I'll always read them :P maybe I just have OCD, not having the normal routine, and playing the waiting game on the shows... :(

well, i would just like to take this moment to thank every single femslash, fanvid authors; the icon and fan art makers.. thank you!! thank you!!you guys rock!

hmm special shout out to mako_icons,for posting beautiful waldsen icons.. I'm using one of your creations now.. thanx again :)

to those in my friends list.. thank you for accepting the add.. ope to know you guys better :)



my first ever entry.. yay!! anyway, it's 5am already.. haven't slept yet.. freakin insomnia!! ooohh, haven't said where i'm from yet.. I'm from the Philippines! specifically the island of Palawan where the beaches are just absolutely gorgeous!! hmm, that reminds me to post a few pix of my fave beaches.. i'll do that in a coupla days..

i'm quite new here in LJ, and i'm hoping that i'll be able to gain some friends :)

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